God Notions

Who hasn’t done some sort reorganizing during this global pandemic? I suppose a look inward is appropriate.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

I had read years ago it is a good practice to purge from your wardrobe each season. In the beginning, deciding what to discard was straightforward: The shirt from 20 years ago with the deodorant stains in the armpits, the 5-year-old t-shirt from the 5k run, the too-cute shoes that KILL my feet are a little harder to part with, finally have to go. I have pared down my closet and chest of drawers to where it is now a real sacrifice to purge anymore.

This sacrifice is where I found myself the other day. I have this charming apricot sleeveless summer top. It required a bit of effort to wear because being cotton, it required ironing. The fit wasn’t perfect, but when I was diligent, with a little pull and a constant tug, this small cotton top would conceal my fat as best a cotton top could. Needless to say, it spent most of its time in the drawer, and yet I could not part with it.

That is when I realized this is what I do with my sin. I had purged the big ones years ago: not taking the LORD’s name in vain, honoring my parents, stealing, murder, coveting. It is the sins that I am comfortable enough with, but don’t fit who I am in Christ that creates my struggle.  I didn’t realize this until that apricot shirt was in my hand once again.

Lying, I don’t lie except for white lies, do those count? What about Judging? Pride? I’m not proud, I’m not perfect by any means, but I’m not that bad. Self-righteous? Self-centered? Not really, I could be worse. A little pull, a little tug, and these sins get camouflaged. Let me see, a manufactured prayer, church on Sunday, is checked off my list. Of course, I have the appropriate dress and vocabulary. Check, check. With a strategic “Amen” and “Thank you Jesus” timed just right, I can keep these sins hidden. I can then focus on my fellowman’s need for Jesus, not my own need to turn inward and purge the things unpleasing to my Savior.

Once again, looking at myself and feeling defeated, hopeless to conquer the old self that raises its ugly head and hurts my heart. I am ashamed of myself and embarrassed to face my Lord. I can only pray, “Help me. I am so sorry.”

True to His word, His character, His promise, Jesus wraps his arms around me and gives me hope for a new day. He is the God of second chances. He knows my struggle; Jesus knows our struggle. He is the one who gently pulls out from the depths of our hearts, holds up our sin, and asks if we will trust him enough to let it go. To be free and clean and uncluttered.

(Though it took a bit of courage, I let the apricot shirt go )

Lord,

You are perfect, just, and right.

No matter where I go, You are there before me.

No matter how I try to hide my inmost parts from You, You are there, quietly waiting for me to allow Your light to reveal my darkness.

I am caught trying to hide. I am devastated, I have been found out.

I am my worst enemy.

I am so sorry for how I try to deceive You.

You won’t allow me to stay in the darkness.

You call me out to face my iniquities, not to condemn, but to restore.

You are my Savior. You are my Friend.

You are God, my God.

You are LORD over all!

I have been redeemed. I am new!

Thank you, Jesus, for having mercy on me.